"WCST" scoops "TNN" on exclusive photo and interview.
The West Cherry Street Times can report that the reason Osama Bin Movin' can't be caught up with is that he has been using "Vital Solutions", formerly "Vital Movers", to get him from place to place. That's right, "Vital Solutions" can keep you moving so fast that no one can find you. This picture was taken when "Bin Movin'" himself dropped by "Intergalactic Headquarters" wearing a different colored towel to avoid detection and get a haircut. Held at pencil-point, this reporter interviewed "Bin Movin'". When asked, "What are you going to do when you are caught?", he replied: "Ah'll squeeeesh you like a bug". Then asked, "How did you escape Afghanistan?", he replied: "Eeen de Baaabe Maganet!". Finally asked, "Can I print any of this?", he replied: "Ah'll keeek your mule!". As "Bin Movin'" left the building, I asked finally, "Where are you moving to now?", he replied: "To da Hooood!". Oh well, there went the neighborhood. In summary, this reporter thinks that he's been hanging out with Russell WAY too long.
Another photo is being studied for authenticity at this time. It shows "Bin Movin'" wearing an ACUMEN hat and drinking from a bottle of tequila. If this is true, it explains why he hasn't been caught. Using the expertise of Russell and Jerry, anyone could not only get away fast, but have a nice place to escape to. I'll interview Jerry for details as soon as I can get back to Houston, (anyone got a lime and some salt?), so watch the "To the South" section closely for more news from the "Bayou City".
Bin Movin photo exposed as fake...
An unnamed reporter at Intergalactic Headquarters accidentally spilled his coffee on the recently received photo of Bin Movin'. While wiping it off the reporter discovered that a layer of the photo easily wiped off revealing what could possibly be another image beneath the surface. After another week, enough coffee had been spilled on the photo to resolve the issue and the photo has now been officially exposed as a blatant attempt to market the services of an unnamed local Moving company using Bin Movin's image. References made as to the association of Bin Movin' and the ACUMEN company are hereby retracted by this publication, along with apologies for any misconceptions that might have been falsely associated with Jerry. However, I do think I know now where his tequila has been disappearing to.
Click on the following link to see the gradual unveiling of what is believed to be the actual photograph. The actual Bin Movin'.
Give me a drum roll....
Ashley Alexander is going to graduate from Mansfield High School this May. She has plans to attend the University of Texas at Arlington next year and Kroger just can't do without her. Ashley is also featured in the "Amateur Babes" section in this edition. The graduation party is being scheduled now, so email her at email@example.com and get on the invitation list.
Do I look happy?